A Day at the Movies
by Tanba Josav
Summary: Pre-TPM. Our beloved Jedi are eagerly awaiting the latest chapter of the great saga World Wars. Well most of them are.


A Day at the Movies  
  
DISCLAIMER: All the familiar names belong to the George Lucas, he of the flannel shirts, and Lucasfilm. This is purely an exercise of love and I'm not making a cent off this, okay? So don't sue me, it wouldn't be worth your time.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Jaffas are a confectionery item. They consist of a small chocolate ball covered in a hard orange shell. Ideal for rolling down the aisles and generally eating. Thanks also to Arsinoe for the beta read and the Yodaisms.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
The excitement had been growing for months as the fans of World Wars eagerly awaited the latest movie in the ongoing saga. The great Coruscant Communications Network (CCN) had talked about nothing else. Who was starring in it? What sort of effects where there going to be? Just who were the lucky sods who were going to attend the star spangled premiere?  
  
Obi-Wan had been beside himself in glee ever since he had heard it was going to be filmed. When Master Yoda had somehow managed to get his little green hands on some tickets, Obi-Wan thought he would die a happy Padawan. That was until he found out he couldn't go.  
  
"But I have to go," he pleaded.  
  
"Oho. Go should you? Always have I judged when a Padawan is ready to go to the movies. My decision it is. Ready you are not." Yoda thumped his gimer stick firmly on the ground to emphasize his words.  
  
"He can have my ticket," Qui-Gon spoke up trying to derail the argument. "I don't have to go."  
  
Yoda turned on Qui-Gon "Going you are. Silent you will be."  
  
"But I don't even like the movies," Qui-Gon protested.  
  
Yoda advanced on Qui-Gon, his gimer stick raised and ready for some slapping.  
  
Qui-Gon backed away his hands lifted in surrender. "All right, all right. I'll go," he turned to his despairing Padawan. "Sorry Obi-Wan. I'll tell you all about it okay?"  
  
Obi-Wan sulked and mumbled under his breath.  
  
"What say you?" Yoda demanded.  
  
"Thank you Master," Obi-Wan said quietly as he valiantly tried to hold back his tears. "I hope you like it."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Finally the big day arrived. On the 19th day of the fifth month World Wars Episode 1, or WWEP1 as the half starved fans who had waited in line for months liked to call it, had finally arrived at a holoscreen near you, as the promotional moguls liked to say.  
  
Obi-Wan had sat up all night baking biscuits as he watched the celebrities march into the theatres to watch the first advanced screening at midnight. He also had waited with bated breath as they had trekked back out again gushing all over the waiting reporters about how amazing the effects and costumes were and how much they loved it.  
  
Obi-Wan sighed as he ironed his homemade three-piece costume, an exact replica of Lucas Churchill's costume in A New Hope.  
  
"I will see that movie today," he vowed as his little oven chimed to announce the cookies were done.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Master Yoda, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were all lined up at the local holo theatre waiting to enter.  
  
"Curious it was, when sick Master Windu became," Yoda glared at Obi-Wan's back. "After your cookies he ate, I believe."  
  
"I gave all the Council Members biscuits Master Yoda," Obi-Wan replied as he half strangled himself trying to adjust his tie. "You are all right."  
  
"Maybe it was the will of the Force," Qui-Gon spoke mildly as he sidestepped an over zealous young alien.  
  
"Hmmm," Yoda was wearing blue denim leggings, a flannelette shirt and a baseball cap. "Doubt it I do."  
  
"Hey dude. Great costume," someone yelled out from the waiting crowd.  
  
"Thanks," Obi-Wan yelled back. "I made it myself." He scowled at Qui-Gon. "At least somebody appreciates my hard work."  
  
Qui-Gon just said nothing as he tried to hide the fact he would rather be wrestling with a Hutt than standing in line to watch this movie.  
  
Obi-Wan gave up his struggle with the tie. "You could have tried to dress up Master," he reproached Qui-Gon.  
  
"I am happy the way I am," Qui-Gon replied with his best inscrutable voice.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
As the line shuffled forward, it growled and shivered like some giant multi- legged creature.  
  
Qui-Gon also shifted restlessly. "Why are we here again?"  
  
"To see the latest epic movie from the great Luke Georgias," Obi-Wan explained patiently.  
  
"Oh that," Qui-Gon scratched his beard. "I forgot."  
  
"How can you forget? It's just the biggest thing since sliced bread products."  
  
"Its not hard Obi-Wan. I have never seen any of his movies."  
  
Yoda, Obi-Wan and several complete strangers all turned and stared at Qui- Gon.  
  
"What say you?" an amazed Yoda asked.  
  
"Man what galaxy did you come from?" a fan behind them asked.  
  
"Right now I'm wishing from one far, far away," Qui-Gon looked down and noticed his apprentice's frantic jiggling. "Are you all right?"  
  
Obi-Wan grimaced. "I'm fine," he squeaked as he squeezed his legs together. "I probably shouldn't have drunk those ten cups of caffeine last night, not to mention that large glass of milk this morning."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled. "When was the last time you went to the bathroom?"  
  
A look of pain rippled across Obi-Wan's face. He leant forward slightly and thrust his precious ticket at Qui-Gon. "I'm just going to the little Padawan's room." With that he bounded off past the line yelling at everyone to 'clear the way'.  
  
"Well that's a relief," Qui-Gon muttered.  
  
"Hmm, young Kenobi's line that should be, I think," Yoda giggled at his own joke.  
  
"No Master," the tall Jedi explained. "Normally I have to mind trick Obi- Wan into going to the bathroom. Otherwise he insists he is fine until halfway through the movie. He then begs me to go out with him because he is afraid of the dark."  
  
"Not like movies I thought you said?"  
  
Qui-Gon shrugged. "Cartoons are all right and romantic comedies. Why Obi- Wan insists on watching action movies I don't know. If he wants action he just has to stay awake during our various escapades."  
  
Yoda frowned and rubbed his nose. "Clouded an action fan's thinking is."  
  
The line shuffled forwards a few centimetres.  
  
"This is going to take all day at this rate," Qui-Gon grumbled. "Where is Obi-Wan? Don't tell me his is having trouble with that zipper again."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Obi-Wan sauntered back to the line. It was obvious by the jumbo cola and bantha sized popcorn, he had tucked under one arm, that he had used some of his time to raid the confectionery shop.  
  
"Well that's a relief," he echoed his master's earlier sentence. "I thought I was going to explode there for a minute."  
  
Qui-Gon looked at the huge cola. "Am I going to have to take you out for a toilet break again?"  
  
Obi-Wan produced three straws. "No, this time I'm sharing."  
  
Yoda stood up on his toes and jabbed at the popcorn. "Missing something there is."  
  
Obi-Wan looked into the cavernous depths of the box. "No, no. I remembered the butter."  
  
"Missing something there is," Yoda repeated insistently.  
  
Qui-Gon leaned down and looked into the popcorn box. "It's all here," came the muffled reply.  
  
He stood back up and scowled at Yoda who was giggling at the tiny pieces of popcorn that were stuck in Qui-Gon's beard.  
  
"No jaffas there are," Yoda stated. "Down the aisle, what am I to roll?"  
  
"How about yourself," Obi-Wan muttered.  
  
Yoda glared at the young Padawan, who quickly assumed an innocent face. The green Jedi turned his glare from the apprentice to the master and smiled up at him sweetly.  
  
Qui-Gon heaved a great sigh. "I'll buy you some," he handed Obi-Wan the two tickets. "It's not like anyone would see you over the counter anyway."  
  
The diminutive Jedi Master scowled and whacked Qui-Gon.  
  
The tall Jedi winced and grabbed his leg. "Al lright, all right. I'm going already." He glared at Obi-Wan to stop him from giggling. "I'll be back."  
  
Obi-Wan giggled anyway. "You sounded just like that wookie actor Scharwbacca."  
  
Qui-Gon just rolled his eyes and limped away.  
  
Minutes passed and a more composed Obi-Wan glanced down at Yoda. "And who are you supposed to be?"  
  
"Luke Georgias I am. See it do you not?"  
  
"Shouldn't you be wearing a beard or something?"  
  
Yoda scratched his hairless chin. "Borrowed Qui-Gon's I almost did."  
  
Obi-Wan choked on a mouthful of popcorn. "Master has a fake beard?" He looked up to see Qui-Gon walking back towards them. "You have a fake beard?" he practically shouted.  
  
The tall Jedi glared down at Yoda. "That's the last time I tell you anything. I might," he raised a hand to emphasize his point. "Might have used a fake beard once while my real beard was growing in."  
  
Yoda chortled. "Scruffy he was. Worse it looked, than when hair Windu tried to grow."  
  
Qui-Gon loomed over his small green master. He held the box of jaffas high above Yoda's head.  
  
The little Jedi started hopping up and down trying to reach his favourite candies.  
  
"Do you wish to say something?" Qui-Gon growled shaking the jaffas.  
  
Yoda's ears drooped sideways and he shuffled his feet. "Sorry I am," he mumbled.  
  
Qui-Gon handed over the box of jaffas. "That's better."  
  
Yoda tucked the box into his shirt and whacked Qui-Gon on the leg.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Several more minutes had passed and Qui-Gon and Yoda were pointedly ignoring each other. Obi-Wan was quickly getting bored so he decided to break the silence.  
  
"Have you really not seen any of the movies Master?"  
  
"No I haven't. Why?"  
  
"I just thought the whole galaxy had seen the original World Wars trilogy," he turned to look at Qui-Gon in surprise. "You've never seen 'A New Hope', 'The Third Reich Strikes Back' or 'Return of the Allies'?"  
  
"Nope I'm afraid not," Qui-Gon shrugged. "Hope that doesn't ruin this movie," he said without the slightest sign of remorse.  
  
"Oh don't worry about that Master. This is a prequel. This movie happens before the others."  
  
Qui-Gon snorted in surprise. "What kind of dimwit makes his movies out of order?"  
  
"Dimwit he is not," came a voice from the vicinity of Obi-Wan's knees. "Genius he is."  
  
"Would you like me to tell you about the first trilogy Master?" Obi-Wan asked before the other two Jedi started fighting again.  
  
"If I said no, would you leave me alone?"  
  
Obi-Wan grinned. "No."  
  
Qui-Gon hung his head in defeat. "Fine tell me then."  
  
Obi-Wan bounced on his toes and grinned like a maniac. "Well its set on a little planet called Dirt."  
  
"Dirt? What kind of fool name is that for a planet?"  
  
Obi-Wan frowned at the interruption. "It's not original I know. Now please don't interrupt."  
  
Qui-Gon indicated for his apprentice to continue.  
  
"Right. Well the first trilogy is centred around Lucas Churchill and his friends brave attempt to defeat the dreaded Third Reich Empire and restore peace to their planet."  
  
"Tell him about Lucas' father you should," Yoda interrupted. "And the Energy."  
  
"Energy?" Qui-Gon asked Obi-Wan completely ignoring Yoda.  
  
"Call it the Force they could not. Copyrighted that is," Yoda piped up again.  
  
"Lucas thought his father was dead. Killed by Fuhrer Vader but, and this is the cool thing. Vader is in fact Lucas' father. He was turned to the dingy side of the Energy by Emperor Palpation. So Lucas had to learn the way of the Energy and become a Judo Knight. He joined the rebel Allies and saved the day."  
  
"And they made three movies out of this?" Qui-Gon asked incredulously.  
  
"Well d'uh," Obi-Wan responded. "Of course they did! Mind you," he added. "There was also a twin sister and a rogue Captain and lots of other stuff too."  
  
"So what's this movie about then?" Qui-Gon asked becoming interested despite all his efforts not to. He looked up and studied one of the posters. "The Nazi Menace?"  
  
"Well this one's about Anakin Churchill, Lucas' father, and a couple of Judo Knights and Fuhrer Mall and Fuhrer Insidious and its about how it all started."  
  
Qui-Gon held up a hand to stop his apprentice's ramblings. "All right I get the picture."  
  
"Not yet you have, but soon you will." Yoda giggled.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
While they had been talking the line had surged forwards, like an unstoppable avalanche. The three Jedi were finally near the end of their wait.  
  
"Where will we sit Master?" an exuberant Obi-Wan asked.  
  
"Does it matter?" Qui-Gon wanted to know. "As long as I have an aisle seat in case I need to make a quick getaway, who cares?"  
  
"It's important! The seat can make or ruin a movie."  
  
"Care not where you sit, do I," Yoda spoke up. "Sitting with Yaddle I am, in special place."  
  
"What are they bringing out high chairs for you two to sit on?" Obi-Wan sniggered.  
  
Yoda turned and whacked Qui-Gon on the leg.  
  
"Hey! Why did you hit me?" the tall Jedi pointed to Obi-Wan. "He said it."  
  
"Your apprentice he is," Yoda sniffed haughtily.  
  
Obi-Wan opened his mouth again as his master turned on him.  
  
"Shut up before you get me into any more trouble," Qui-Gon growled.  
  
They reached the front of the line and solemnly passed over their tickets to a Twi'lek attendant. She nodded to Yoda and ignored the excited Obi-Wan. As Qui-Gon handed over his ticket she fluttered her eyelashes and simpered up at him. "If the movie bores you, I'll be waiting in the foyer."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded and leaning down whispered into her ear. "I just might take you up on that offer."  
  
He stepped forward and looked up at the stairs. Obi-Wan had already bounded up them and was waiting impatiently at the top. Yoda was laboriously climbing the third step, huffing and puffing as he went. Qui-Gon shifted his weight from foot to foot as he watched his master climb the stairs. Finally, and much to the relief of the waiting hologoers, he scruffed the back of Yoda's shirt and bodily lifted him up. He started ascending the steps two at a time. Yoda's little legs pedaled furiously as he waved his stick about. "Put me down you will. Undignified this is."  
  
Qui-Gon reached the top and put Yoda down. "Easier that was," he mimicked his master.  
  
Yoda turned and pelted Qui-Gon several times on the leg. "Mock me you will not."  
  
Qui-Gon howled and hopped about, much to the amusement of the waiting crowd.  
  
Obi-Wan waved at the two feuding Jedi. "I found us a place."  
  
Yoda ignored him and waddled over to Yaddle, who was already waiting beside some elevated seats that were placed there for diminutive patrons.  
  
Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan found themselves sitting a few rows in front of Yoda and Yaddle. There was a bit of seat shuffling until Qui-Gon was satisfied that he had a clear path to the nearest exit.  
  
By this time the lights had dimmed and the crowd was humming quietly to itself. The crackle of paper bags and the quiet noise of popcorn being consumed were all that could be heard. An occasional bark of laughter broke out before it was quickly hushed. The air was electric and Obi-Wan was fairly bouncing in his seat with excitement.  
  
Qui-Gon leant over and murmured into Obi-Wan's ear. "I hope this one is better than the last movie we saw."  
  
His apprentice nodded absently as he methodically munched his way through the popcorn.  
  
"What was it called?" Qui-Gon took a slurp of cola. "Titan? Tank Top? Oh that's right Tonic. Like anyone would be interested in sitting through six hours of watching a passenger liner getting hulled on its maiden voyage by a passing meteoroid."  
  
"Hey lets get this show on the road," a rowdy patron yelled from the row behind them.  
  
A small round object bounced off the speaker's head.  
  
"Quiet you will be," a small imperious voice demanded from the back- elevated row.  
  
The speaker turned around and scowled at Yoda. "Shut it pipsqueak. The movie ain't started yet."  
  
Two more projectiles bounced off his forehead. Yaddle had joined in on the game.  
  
Qui-Gon winced. "I knew I shouldn't have bought him those jaffas."  
  
With a triumphant fanfare the Georgiefilm logo appeared on screen. The whole crowd took a collective gasp as it settled down to watch.  
  
"I'm so excited I could cry," Obi-Wan sighed.  
  
'Plunk' went a jaffa off his head.  
  
"Quiet, you will be too," Yoda said.  
  
Qui-Gon turned and was hit with several edible projectiles from the entire back row. He just scowled and turned back around slumping in his seat to offer as little a target as possible.  
  
"May the Force be with me," he muttered as he glanced at his watch. "How long will this thing take?" he pondered about that for a few seconds. "I wonder if that Twi'lek was serious?"  
  
Several objects flew over his head and landed in the row in front of him.  
  
"Movie is on. Quiet everyone will be."  
  
Qui-Gon sighed heavily as the opening scene flashed up on the big screen. 


End file.
